PARENTING

Parenting: Letting your children deal with their own conflict

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Butterfly_210

By Tamara Sherwood A woman found a cocoon of a butterfly and a small opening appeared. She sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole. Then it stopped, as if it couldn't go further. So the woman decided to help the butterfly. She took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon.  The butterfly emerged easily but it had a swollen body and shriveled wings. The woman continued to watch it, expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge and expand enough to support the body. Neither happened! In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around. It was never able to fly. What the woman in her kindness and haste did not understand: The restricting cocoon and the struggle required by the butterfly to get through the opening was a way of forcing the fluid from the body into the wings so that it would be ready for flight once that was achieved. Sometimes struggles are exactly what our children need in their lives. Going through life with no obstacles would cripple them. Wait a minute, if our children are struggling

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How do you feel today? Emotional Intelligence For Your Children

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July 19, 2011 by Salma Shukri, The Conflict Center  This article was published in the North Denver Tribune in July  2011 Children often have a hard time verbally expressing how they feel. When faced with certain situations, you may find that your child cannot put into words what they are feeling on the inside. Because of their limited vocabulary, children may instead act out as a way of expressing in action what they can’t express in words. As they grow and experience new things, children may get overwhelmed and their emotions can sometimes get too big for their little bodies to contain. Without a proper form of release, children may resort to expressing themselves physically. For example, a child that can’t explain that he is upset may fall back on behaving badly, and you may find them hitting, stomping, or crying to get the message across. That’s why we think it’s important to teach emotional intelligence to children from a young age – so that they can communicate their emotions well. You can do this by helping to expand your child’s vocabulary to include emotionally descriptive words, and then encouraging your child to identify his or her feelings on a constant

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Introduction to Relationship Conflict (Video)

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Youtube TCC Relationship Video

By Pearl Bell Look at this introductory video about Relationship Conflict and tell us what you think. Tweet

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Simple Parenting Tips for Managing Conflict with Children

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May 18, 2011 by Salma Shukri, The Conflict Center | This article was published in the North Denver Tribune in May 2011 Parenting is a difficult job and during times of increased tension in the home, it can become even more challenging. Our motto at The Conflict Center is, “Conflict is inevitable. Violence is not.” There is no sure-fire way to avoid conflict, but it is important for you as a parent, and for your children, to understand that conflict does not always have to burn down bridges. One way to understand conflict differently is to think of it simply as a detection system – conflict reveals the weak spots in your relationships. Once detected, you then have the power to bolster and retighten these weak hinges, thus strengthening and prolonging the foundations of the bridges that connect you to one another. An important ingredient for dealing with conflict as a parent is to create an atmosphere of open communication at home. Have conversations with your children from a young age and keep the channels of communication open as they grow older. It is important for your bridges to support two-way traffic. Once your children get used to this form

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Difficult Conversations

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Conversations_210

By Becci McCormack   What topics do you find difficult to discuss with your mate, boyfriend, girlfriend or partner? In relationship, difficult topics can be, well… difficult. Depending on the maturity of your relationship, your trust level and the nature of the topic, difficult discussions can deepen a relationship and build a unique foundation.   Change, as well as conflict, is inevitable in relationships. Change happens in our individual lives, which in turn, affects our relationships. Change demands communication.  Our values, circumstances and needs change over time and through seasons. If we do not communicate about these changes, our partner may feel hurt, estranged or rejected. Change, like conflict, can either create problems or solutions. Solutions and problems can be born out of the same unrealistic and unresolved expectations or behaviors; it’s all about your intention during a difficult discussion. Are you looking for problems or solutions?   Think back to your home of origin. Do you remember hearing your parents talk about finance, religion or parenting issues? Some of us were shielded from adult conversations, some reaped the benefits of open adult conversations and others of us saw the devastation of fighting over difficult topics. Unfortunately, some people never

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Ever Needed a Vacation from your Vacation?

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July 2007 With the arrival of spring and preview of summer, many families are planning their vacation activities. A change in routine can bring adults, parents, kids and teachers some much needed relief.   It will also bring conflict. Remember that there is both good and bad stress associated with vacation time. The good stress (known as eu-stress) is the kind that keeps you from sleeping the night before a trip; it motivates us to plan ahead and reconfirm all of our arrangements. The other stress happens when things don’t go as planned or negative events occur…such as car trouble or discord with a relative or longtime friend. Here is our simple R-E-L-I-E-F plan (a jump start to brainstorming) to make your next vacation more like a true vacation:  R- Realistic: Be realistic in your summer and vacation planning. Try not to take on too many activities. If this is a pattern for you, cut back your schedule by one third to one half. E- Expect some conflict: Talk with your family or travel mates in advance about how you can manage differences on your trip. Remind folks along the way to stop and brainstorm solutions when they get stuck. With

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“Why They Kill” by Richard Rhodes

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A book review by Tiffany Plumley July 2007 Violence is a part of our world. Some would even argue that it is simply a part of life. When we hear of stunning and horrific acts of violence, the tendency is often to explain it as “senseless,” “random,” and “inexplicable.” But if we believe these descriptions, then we also have to accept that violence can’t be predicted or prevented. Research today indicates that there are many contributing factors to violence. Some of the most popular are poverty, lack of education, emotional instability, history of abuse and overexposure to violence. The problem with this research though, is that it does nothing to truly explain and predict violence. When we look at statistics, we find that most people who grow up in poverty, who do not have access to adequate education do NOT actually go on to become violent people! The argument could be made, then, that perhaps it’s not mental instability, drug abuse, or having a violent parent that causes someone to become violent. Perhaps we’re asking the wrong questions! Perhaps there’s another, outside influence that could better explain the origin and predictability of violence. In his book Why They Kill, Richard

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What is Social Norming?

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by Maggie Helseth August 2007 Social norming is a concept that has historically been used to prevent and reduce alcohol and drug use among high school students.  Here’s how it works: As a general rule, middle school and high school students want to fit in with their fellow students.  For many, “fitting in” means doing what they think most of their peers are doing.  For example, if a student thinks that most of her classmates regularly drink alcohol, she will be more likely to drink. Time and again, studies among high school students suggest that the majority of high schoolers do not, in fact, regularly drink alcohol.  However, the majority of high schoolers think that most of their peers do regularly drink alcohol. A social norming approach to reducing alcohol consumption would, thus, involve educating the student body on the actual norms – in this case, that most students do not regularly drink alcohol.  One would expect that, once students were educated on the actual norms, the rate of alcohol consumption among students would decline, as, again, students generally want to adhere to the norm. The concept of social norming is not only used to reduce alcohol consumption.  It can,

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Global Peacemaking

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by Virginia Vobejda April 2008 Global Peacemaking is of prime and timely interest. How do we attain it?  If there is to be global peacemaking it must be central to local thinking as well as top most in regional state and national purpose.  This means it is paramount in the thinking, planning and acting. Peacemaking begins in our homes. Young children need to experience over and over parents and kids working out solutions to large and small situations. Our first exposure to peacemaking is how families handle their differing wants and needs. Kids need to observe peacemaking, not just be preached to. Family coming together over differences prepares the individuals to work at solutions, to listen to, respect and ponder solutions. As children age and advance in school differences become more frequent thus we hope they learn more mature solutions. It is not necessarily a matter of finding the right solutions quickly although it must be everyone’s aim to find the best answer for the most people.  Hopefully individuals will open up to consideration of solutions sometimes different from those previously held.  Keeping an open mind seems logical but is not always easy. Global peacemaking can come only from hours

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Promoting Peace through Play

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April 2008 More and more families are turning to “family game night” as a way for parents to be in tune with their children and know what’s going on in their lives. However, as the kids get older and game night becomes an old routine, parents can find their creativity being stretched to find new entertainments that keep their families together and interested. And as the veteran of  more than one family fight about what game to play, who was cheating, and who the winner and loser was, I know perfectly well that sometimes family games promote anything but harmony and unity! Here are some suggestions for games that will entertain without resulting in anger and tears; and moreover, will help you get to know your kids a lot better than another game of Parcheesi! Group Story Tell a story that everyone is a part of and no one knows the end of. Pick a unit: word, sentence, or paragraph. Each person, in order, gets to add a unit to the story, until once the last person has gone you start over. From the hysterical paragraph version to the unpredictable word version, this game will test your creativity and help

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