PROBLEM SOLVING

Photo Exhibit Demonstrates Coloradans Solving Problems Together

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By Mary Zinn. President, Zinn Mediation Associates “Talking It Out: Getting To Agreement” is a unique photo and story exhibit that features Coloradans working together to solve problems. The exhibit illustrates seven stories of people and communities that have made a choice to solve their problems constructively. It gives evidence of the changes that can be made when we deliberately choose collaborative conflict resolution methods. The exhibit, displayed at the Colorado State Capitol Oct. 1–16, was one of many events in conjunction with Conflict Resolution Month in Colorado, observed every October. Conflict resolution Month’s activities increase public awareness about constructive conflict management and its many benefits. Details can be found at www.conflictresolutionmonth.org.  The goal of Conflict Resolution Month is to decrease violence and increase creativity and productivity for problem solving in relationships, communities, organizations, and businesses. The stories offer possibilities and options for every person and group to consider for bringing more civility to the disputes they encounter. Communities and organizations in Colorado are encouraged to take advantage of the opportunity to display this free exhibit throughout next year and beyond.  You can see “Talking it out: getting to agreement” Nov. 5–Jan. 7 at the Ft. Morgan Museum; Jan. 15–March 15

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Research Notes: Practice Makes Peaceful

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Current Directions

By Kevin LaPoint, PhD, Volunteer Courses taught by the Conflict Center are designed to empower individuals to regulate their own anger, mediate conflicts, and build better relationships with others. One of the most important skills we teach is self-awareness, which provides the basis for enhanced self-control when dealing with conflict.  For example, students in the center’s classes are taught to recognize how their body and emotions change in response to anger–to know their internal “temperature” during heated situations.  Being alert to when you’re losing control in an argument provides a crucial opportunity for individuals to take charge of themselves, begin “cool down” practices, and make healthier decisions. Psychological research has long demonstrated the link between an individual’s capacity for self-control and the tendency towards aggression.  Those with low self-control during charged confrontations are more likely to react with angry outbursts of verbal, emotional, and/or physical violence. Last month, three psychologists published a summary of multiple recent studies that provide new insights into the power of self-control.  In the March 2012 edition of “Current Directions in Psychological Science,” Dr. Thomas F. Denson and his colleagues wrote that increasing an individual’s ability to self-regulate during non-conflict situations indirectly leads to improved self-control when ultimately facing conflict. According to Denson, almost everyone prefers to avoid violence.  Even those

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Flexing Your Emotional Muscle In The Workplace

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Flexing Your Emotional Muscle In The Workplace

By Nikki Sterling, Mentor Trainer & Organizational Consultant at The Conflict Center I instantly go numb whenever I hear someone in an organization explain the necessity of keeping emotions out of the workplace. Okay, let me back up . . . Emotions in the workplace are not the culprit.  Mismanaged emotions that get the better of us are instead what damages relationships and curbs an individual and team from progressing to the next level in efficiency.  This is where my pal just mentioned up above makes their statement.  In a sense they have evidence: failed teams, hurt feelings, and broken relationships.  Pretty good empirical evidence. But, of course, it doesn’t have to be that way.  Many of us lead and work in conflict-savvy organizations where the culture demands straight talk be coupled with emotions in order to gain better insight and creativity in reaching business results. However, again, not all of us are so lucky.  So, lets take a look on controlling the one variable we know we can ALWAYS control – ourselves.  Lets focus on flexing our “emotional muscle” by practicing self-control when we are triggered. AUTOMATIC STRESS RESPONSE = LACK OF BUSINESS RESULTS When someone encounters a challenge

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Resolutions for Better Relationships

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By Becci McCormack As the New Year starts many of us make promises to others and ourselves for improving our lives. This year why not make a resolution to improve your relationships.   Building face-to-face relationships can be tough. Whether you are a parent, single, divorced, working, going to school or married learning how to build meaningful relationships is vital. Relationships can be healing, fun, and healthy when communication is flowing. But when communication breaks down, relationships can take a hit.   Relationships can bring out the best and worst of us. Do you ever feel defensive when communicating with friends, family members, co-workers or loved ones? Do you repeatedly say the same thing over and over, but don’t feel heard? What about expectations, or broken promises? As we enter the New Year, let’s look at a few tips to maintain and revitalize our relationships.   1.  Active listening builds trust and rapport with intimate and casual relationships. Everybody likes to be heard, but when a speaker speaks and the responder is busy, disinterested or distracted, the speaker can feel unimportant. To ensure this doesn’t happen, restate what is said, reflect the feelings you hear, clarify with questions to better

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Brain Science and Conflict

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By Martha Woods A shorter version of this article appeared in The North Denver Tribune in Sept. 2011   Hello, meet Your Brain! In recent years, there have been amazing discoveries about the human brain. We are used to thinking that the brain leads and we follow. Scientists have been studying how the brain works among different groups of people including persons with brain injury, meditating Buddhist monks, and ordinary people who are just trying to change a behavior or learn a new skill. At the most general level, the scientific studies reveal that the brain is much more changeable than previously thought. This concept of the brain being changeable (or “plastic”) is called neuroplasticity. In the past, scientific dogma held that, after a critical period in early childhood, the structure and function of the brain was mostly immutable. These more recent findings reveal that many aspects of the brain remain plastic even well into adulthood, as a result of input from the environment.   For example, areas of the brain involved in certain activities will become more active or enlarged the more that activity is performed— or even thought about! Two particular activities illustrate this—playing a sport or a musical instrument. One exciting implication of brain plasticity is

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Parenting: Letting your children deal with their own conflict

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By Tamara Sherwood A woman found a cocoon of a butterfly and a small opening appeared. She sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole. Then it stopped, as if it couldn't go further. So the woman decided to help the butterfly. She took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon.  The butterfly emerged easily but it had a swollen body and shriveled wings. The woman continued to watch it, expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge and expand enough to support the body. Neither happened! In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around. It was never able to fly. What the woman in her kindness and haste did not understand: The restricting cocoon and the struggle required by the butterfly to get through the opening was a way of forcing the fluid from the body into the wings so that it would be ready for flight once that was achieved. Sometimes struggles are exactly what our children need in their lives. Going through life with no obstacles would cripple them. Wait a minute, if our children are struggling

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Reframing Political Conversation

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By Mitzi Hicks   Each season brings clear signs announcing its presence: autumn is heralded by turning leaves and cool nights, winter brings snowflakes, and election season blows in on a wind of heated political rhetoric.  We are at the beginning of a new presidential election cycle, and if the past few years are any indicator, the coming months will be chock full of sound bites designed to divide us along ideological lines.  The political climate wasn’t always this way, and it doesn’t have to stay this way.  But does the average person have the power to change this?  Absolutely!  In the words of Margaret Mead, “Never doubt that a small group of committed, thoughtful citizens can change the world.  Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”  Civilized political discourse is essential if we are to uphold the spirit and ideals of our democracy, and creating this conversation is within everyone’s power.    If anything is to be learned from the ongoing struggles between political factions in Washington, it is that we must find ways to reframe political discussion around values, beliefs, and visions of the future for our communities and our nation as a whole. By reframing

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Simple Parenting Tips for Managing Conflict with Children

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May 18, 2011 by Salma Shukri, The Conflict Center | This article was published in the North Denver Tribune in May 2011 Parenting is a difficult job and during times of increased tension in the home, it can become even more challenging. Our motto at The Conflict Center is, “Conflict is inevitable. Violence is not.” There is no sure-fire way to avoid conflict, but it is important for you as a parent, and for your children, to understand that conflict does not always have to burn down bridges. One way to understand conflict differently is to think of it simply as a detection system – conflict reveals the weak spots in your relationships. Once detected, you then have the power to bolster and retighten these weak hinges, thus strengthening and prolonging the foundations of the bridges that connect you to one another. An important ingredient for dealing with conflict as a parent is to create an atmosphere of open communication at home. Have conversations with your children from a young age and keep the channels of communication open as they grow older. It is important for your bridges to support two-way traffic. Once your children get used to this form

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Mediators/Facilitators in the Midst of Our Own Conflicts

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Eileen Hyatt

By Eileen Hyatt   When I facilitate an RJ circle for elementary, middle, or high school students, I sometimes greet them by saying, “You are about to do something many adults do not have the courage to do, Talk face-to-face about their conflict.” I sometimes wonder if mediators and facilitators of restorative justice circles have ever themselves chosen the experience. I am suggesting  they take off their facilitation hat and be participants in a process around their own conflict as a way of gaining insight into the minds and hearts of those they facilitate.    It’s not as if we don’t have the opportunity, as we would all have to be spending our lives in bed if we think we have no conflicts. And when our conflicts have consequences, loss of sleep, lost relationships and jobs, or just plain tension and distraction, we should ask ourselves why we do not engage in what we encourage others to do? I have brought my conflicts to a mediator more than once and would like to share some general thoughts about what it feels like.   First, it is humbling. No wonder people are reluctant to come to the table or the circle! We pride ourselves on handling our

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Difficult Conversations

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By Becci McCormack   What topics do you find difficult to discuss with your mate, boyfriend, girlfriend or partner? In relationship, difficult topics can be, well… difficult. Depending on the maturity of your relationship, your trust level and the nature of the topic, difficult discussions can deepen a relationship and build a unique foundation.   Change, as well as conflict, is inevitable in relationships. Change happens in our individual lives, which in turn, affects our relationships. Change demands communication.  Our values, circumstances and needs change over time and through seasons. If we do not communicate about these changes, our partner may feel hurt, estranged or rejected. Change, like conflict, can either create problems or solutions. Solutions and problems can be born out of the same unrealistic and unresolved expectations or behaviors; it’s all about your intention during a difficult discussion. Are you looking for problems or solutions?   Think back to your home of origin. Do you remember hearing your parents talk about finance, religion or parenting issues? Some of us were shielded from adult conversations, some reaped the benefits of open adult conversations and others of us saw the devastation of fighting over difficult topics. Unfortunately, some people never

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