One challenge that comes up when we talk about “both/and” is the notion that sometimes the only options are “right” or “wrong.” I often have had people say, “Not everything can be both/and, right? Sometimes it’s simply morality.”
We can all think of beliefs and values that feel pretty cut and dry – moral or not. The idea of both/and can feel like an affront to that. And yet, both/and can absolutely exist within our framework of morality, if we allow space for it. The difference lies between moral certainty and moral clarity.
Moral certainty operates from “either/or.” Moral certainty (sometimes thought of as moral superiority) operates from a place of right or wrong. It says that you are either with me or you are wrong; either good or bad; either smart (agree with me) or stupid (don’t agree with me). There is no space in between in moral certainty – no nuance or understanding of other perspectives or even complications in thinking. Moral certainty operates from a place of “You must believe everything that I believe, or you are morally corrupt.” Perhaps the most common area of moral certainty that comes to mind is murder. The challenge is that even in something that seems so clear (murder is wrong) there may be places where one would make an exception, like when its an act of self-defense. Moral certainty doesn’t allow for any complications to the either/or premise.
We see moral certainty at play a lot in our society – from pundits in the media to comments on social media. Especially in the space of politics. The either/or of moral certainty often shows up like contempt: “If you’re a Democrat, you’re a corrupt idiot,” and “If you’re a Republican, you’re an evil moron.” Moral certainty can feel really good. We often get praise for these types of comments, and it gives a sense of camaraderie with those who are on the same “side.” However, other than feeling righteous, moral certainty rarely accomplishes our goals – people typically don’t change their mind by being belittled or shamed.
We need to consider whether moral certainty aligns with our values.
Moral clarity is rooted in our values and beliefs while giving space for the both/and. With moral clarity you can be firm in your beliefs while recognizing that there may be additional information that you don’t have yet or a point of view you haven’t considered. Holding space for understanding other people’s point of view and how they came to them doesn’t mean you change your beliefs; however, it holds a possibility that there may be more to understand.
Moral clarity can look like “I feel very strongly that this bill harms people. Can you help me understand why you support it?” or “Multiple things can be true at once. I care about farmers, and I am concerned that this will take aid away from others who need it as well.” That’s what both/and allows us to do – stay strong in our values, speak clearly about our beliefs and remember the humanity of others even when we vehemently disagree. With moral clarity you can name your emotions (rage, disappointment, hurt, fear), work for what you believe and hold basic regard (even love) for those in opposition. Moral clarity can be hard, especially in a society where we are often conditioned in either/or thinking. Sometimes it can even make people really mad when you consider giving space for other perspectives. However, moral clarity is often more successful in creating change. That’s what both/and can do – open space for hope, progress and a different way forward while staying true to our morals.
